Let’s Be Friends.

I’ve never been good at friendships.

I’m not saying that I’m not a good friend. I’m kind, I try to listen, when I’m out with friends I have fun. I’m just not good at starting or continuing a friendship. Sometimes I don’t neglect to contact a friend and say “Hey! Let’s get together!”. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, there’s just something that stops me.

So what hinders me? I worry about what others will think about me. A real friendship means that you have to open yourself up. “Surface” friendships, where you don’t get very deep and can just exchange pleasantries, are easy. Deep, meaningful friendships happen when you open yourself up to one another. You have to let that person in. That scares me.

I worry about people judging me. I worry that they will find out things about me that will turn them off. I worry that they will find out that my entire bedroom floor is currently covered with clothes. I worry that they will find out that sometimes I am rude. Sometimes when others are talking I’m not listening very well because I am distracted.

I worry that people will find out these things and will no longer think highly of me.

I would say my best friend is definitely my husband. Obviously, it is a good thing for him to be a best friend. Other than Jesus Christ, my relationship with my husband should be the next closest relationship that I have on this earth. It’s good for our marriage and good for our family. My husband sees me in my best and worst moments and still loves me in spite of it all. I think that is one of the reasons that he is my best friend. If I snap at him in a moment of frustration or bawl my head off because I’ve had a hard day, I know he’ll still be there and love me just the same.

Will a friend do that? That’s the heart of my personal struggle.

Lately God has been speaking to me about my problem with connecting with people. I have a lot of surface friendships but I am very weary of opening myself up to something deeper.

Eccelsiastes 4:9-10

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

To me, this is one of the reasons we are not supposed to live life alone. We CAN do things alone, but that doesn’t mean that is the best way to do it. I mean, having two arms DOES make most tasks more manageable. There are so many things in life that we can’t physically do alone.

When I read the first part of Ecclesiastes 4:10, it says that if either fall down the other can help him up. How many times do we “fall down” in our Christian walk? Every day! Every day I make mistakes, I sin. WE are sinners, and so we are going to “fall down” at some point. Having a friend, doesn’t just keep us accountable, but it also reminds us that we are not alone when we do fall. A close friend can be there to help support you in Christian Fellowship.

The second section of verse 10 says, “But pity anyone who falls and has no one to ehlp them up.”

Why should we pity them? Because, unfortunately, they have chosen to not surround themselves with people who would help. This is where I am.

God has been working on me that I need to be in closer fellowship with other women. As women, we need to be better about creating & working on close friendships.

So what does that mean? Am i going to pick up the phone tomorrow and suddenly have a new best friend? No, but there are some things that God has placed upon my heart to focus on. God wants me to work on making some of my “surface” friendships, true friendships.

First, God is calling me to step out in faith.

Yes, I am scared to open myself up to others, but my fear is not an excuse to disobey what God has called me to do. My emotions cannot determine whether or not I follow through. I have to trust that He is guiding me toward women who will care about me in spite of my faults.

Now, just because I step out in faith & obey what God has asked me to do does not mean that He has promised it will be smooth sailing. Relationships require people. People have baggage. Baggage causes problems. Even though there may be some bumps, I need to continue following God in the direction that He wants me to go.

Secondly, God has opened my eyes to the receiving end of friendship.

Friendships require us to open up and share our struggles with one another, but when a friend is opening up and sharing we must remember to listen without judgment.

One of the reasons that I struggle with connecting is because I worry about what others are going to think of me. What do we see on tv and social media? Cat fights & gossip. We see women tearing each other down & being applauded for their actions. Why are many of us weary of opening ourselves up to other women? This is why.

Matthew 7:3

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

If we want close relationships we have to take it upon ourselves to stop silently (or for some, publicly) judging each other. Opening ourselves up is only the first step. We then have to listen & support each other without judgment or condemnation.

I am going to be working on developing closer Christian friendships, and I challenge you to do the same. I actually have someone that God has brought into my life hat I am going to call this week to get together and have lunch. I’m nervous, but excited to see what God has for this new friendship.

If you don’t have any issues with developing genuine, close Christian friendships with other women, look around you. Is there somewhat in your social circle that doesn’t seem to make connections easily? Ask God to show you someone that He wants you to connect & fellowship with.

I would love to hear what God is saying to you. Please let me know in the comments or follow me on facebook or twitter and let me know!

This was posted in the Grace & Truth Linkup & the Faith & Fellowship Blog Hop

39 thoughts on “Let’s Be Friends.

  1. Nichole Hall (@MNicholeHall) says:

    I have a hard time connecting with people as well. My reasons stem from being hurt in prior relationships. So I am guarded in new ones. It can take several years for me to get to an authentic place in friendships. But one thing I’ve learned through hardship is that God transforms us so that we learn and change. It takes time and effort on our part, but transformation is His ultimate goal. This way we can carry out His purpose in our lives. So proud you have decided to get outside of your comfort zone in this area! It will be hard, but so rewarding.


  2. Tina says:

    Thank you for stepping out in Faith to write on this topic, Megan. I’m blessed by your heart that’s willing to share honest thoughts regarding this struggle. The scripture you shared from Ecclesiastes is moving. I’m encouraged by your words to get involved in community because, if I’m going to be honest, I struggle in this area too.


  3. Rachel says:

    This is an awesome post and I do not think you are alone on this at all. I think women, especially moms, have a hard time finding emotional room for friendships. Thank you!


  4. wobin950 says:

    Been there! I’m trying to be more intentional. When an opportunity arises to be a good friend I try to act on it right away – instead of wait till later.


  5. Joy DeKok says:

    Thank you for this brave blog post. Transparency is hard, and sometimes hurts, but in the end, it’ worth it. Praying for you and me as we tear down our fears.


  6. Sarah says:

    It is hard to “be” a friend and accept the role of “being” a friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. This year I’ve been involved in a mommy book club. Being honest with each other has brought closeness to us all.


    • Made To Bloom says:

      Isn’t it so refreshing to get together and share your heart? That’s what I’ve been without for so long. So glad you’ve found a group that you can truly be a part of in a meaningful way!


  7. Amy says:

    This is such a great and encouraging post. Making and keeping close friends as an adult seems so much harder than it was when we were kids. I do have a couple really close friends, whom I can tell almost anything and who trust me enough to do the same, and the older I get the more I realize what a treasure they are and thank God for the blessing of calling them friend.


    • Made To Bloom says:

      That would definitely make it more difficult. I feel for you & I pray that God will continue to guide you to the friendships that He knows will be a support to you and your family. Thanks so much for coming by & sharing!


  8. Clare Speer says:

    Being open and honest – and trusting another human being – that’s tough – I appreciate your candor! And making and keeping friends can be challenging… but then I think about what I would do without my close friendships – I truly cherish them – thanks for opening my eyes that everyone doesn’t make friends or closeness quickly – Blessings- !


    • Made To Bloom says:

      Thanks so much for coming by Clare! I so appreciate you reading & taking the time to see what I (& others) are battling internally. I think that’s one of the best ways to understand & come together in community as women. Thanks again! 🙂


  9. carolapv says:

    I am most able to be open and vulnerable with my women’s Bible study. We begin sharing what we have learned in our Bible study–and then share prayer requests. We have been together in a precept Bible study for a number of years. Over time we have built trust.


    • Made To Bloom says:

      I think trust is the best word to use when it comes to building those relationships. We have to trust others & we have to be trustworthy. Thanks so much for sharing! I’m so glad to hear that you have a small group of women to share with.


  10. Jeannie Pallett says:

    Visiting from Grace and Truth…I am just getting ready to leave a community we have lived in for six years. It has been a time and place of great trial and we have experienced incredible prayer support from many…but somehow sadly lacking is the deeper friendship. My husband is retiring in 5 months and we are excited about moving to a new community (already chosen) and getting involved with people and developing good friendships.


    • Made To Bloom says:

      Jeannie, I’m so excited to hear about this new season God is taking you into! I pray that God guides you and your husband toward those individuals He knows you can have a meaningful friendship with. Thanks so much for stopping by!


  11. Being Woven says:

    I read this and look through the comments’ photos and see mostly young women like yourself, Megan. I am in my mid 60s and have been vulnerable to close friendships too. I have friends whom I have been close to for years and keep in touch with them after many, many years, but we have not been physically close for many years too so that keeps what communication we now have very surface. I have been hurt and also lived as a military child so between the hurts and the moving, then a bad first marriage and long years of divorce, I became fearful of closeness. I am now remarried for 22 years almost and Ken is my best friend. He is wonderful. I miss having a female whom I can pray with and cry with and just be me. I have not had that in a long time. One day, God will bring just the right woman into my life for a sweet friendship, I pray. I do pray about this…and that I will let the fears go and be me.
    Thanks for your openness because I probably would not have shared any of this any time soon.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda


    • Made To Bloom says:

      Linda, I can’t tell you what it means to me that you felt comfortable sharing. Thank you. I pray that God does bring you another Christian woman to have a meaningful friendship with. I don’t think it necessarily has anything to do with our age, in fact I think that talking about a struggle such as this actually brings us together. Again, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I had reservations myself about writing this post, but I am glad that I posted & you commented 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Being Woven says:

        Yes, this topic is not one often found for we often think that we might be the only one feeling this way or that. In reality, there are always more than we know. Many will look and read certain posts but never will comment either for the reason of not opening up in public.
        You are right about age…God has blessed me with younger women to mentor and they to mentor me or to pray with me. Older women have come alongside and been a prayer partner or someone to share lunch with. God knows who we need. Yes, thank you for praying as He hears and knows our hearts.
        ~ linda

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Kelly Balarie says:

    Great post. It is hard to be completely open with another. There is always that fear of rejection. You draw me into wanting to have deeper and more connected friendships. I cheer you from the #RaRalinkup. Thank you for addressing this today, I needed to think on this.


  13. betsydecruz says:

    Thanks for sharing so honestly here. I think all of us have a hard time opening up because we’re afraid of what others will think. But when we step past those fears, the rewards are great. I am blessed to have several close friends. And my husband is a great friend as well!


  14. bluecottonmemory says:

    I’ve learned 2 things over the years – God has people – friends-to-be He puts in our path where friendship just clicks – maybe not at first. It can be really uncomfortable at first, but something happens and it “clicks.” I’ve almost learned that the people who rub me the wrong way so much at first end up being the best friends ever. I joked with my husband once after an incident – and I said, “She’s going to be one of those great friends – we hit it off so badly! LOL – and then 2) When God tells you something – a big reveal like He gave you – it doesn’t mean you should have had it done yesterday. It means something new has started. He is going to teach you, guide you into these friendships that will one day be like family. What you did in this post is part of the blooming process! God doesn’t tell you something and expect you to have already done it. He tells you something and then shows you how to do it! I’m so excited for this new journey. There will be such blessing in it!


  15. hollythewoo says:

    I can certainly relate to your post as well, friendships are something I also struggle with at times. I’m thankful you linked this with us at Grace & Truth!


  16. Frannie Anee says:

    Oh, my. This was written for me!

    Thank you for sharing from your heart. I too struggle when developing deep relationships and have also felt convicted to work on it! 🙂 So appreciate the encouragement and words of direction and blessing.

    I’m new here but hope to be back!

    Blessings to you


    • Made To Bloom says:

      Frannie, thank so much for coming by! I have taken some good first steps in the past couple of weeks myself. I pray that you continue to look to the Lord for what relationships He has in store for you 🙂


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